I’m back again with another post! I wanted to have this post done yesterday unfortunately I was unable to because I was travelling most of the day. I had to travel up for a funeral. I was so shattered when I finally arrived as I had to do everything after the work day. So it was straight from there to the train station with the bags and onto the train to begin what could be a five hour trip. I don’t know if it took that long in the end or not I didn’t count it then. Yesterday it was more important to get the social niceties done before caving into what I wanted which was just to sleep.
The first train was at 4.50pm and I arrived at my destination finally at 9.15pm. My brain is too frazzled to calculate that, ew. Thing was…I couldn’t even sleep. I was so tired I couldn’t sleep. I believe it was a combination of extreme tiredness, having to use another person’s bed and just worrying about today that meant I kept waking up every ten minutes. It was incredibly annoying. I don’t like funerals. I think I’m okay with this but I think maybe I’m not and I’m having flashbacks of the ones I’ve attended before. I’m also coming to terms with the fact that I won’t see great grandma anymore. It’s really weird.
I keep having to remind myself that she won’t be there because every time we come up I see her. It’s also confusing for me that the date of the funeral is Valentine’s day. All things valentine, at least for me have taken a back seat. It didn’t feel entirely respectful.
I’m writing this while waiting for the queue for the facilities (we can’t say loo in public can we?). That’s what happens when a house is full to capacity and there is only one toilet/bathroom (there, I said it). I feel like death warmed up. My eye bags have bags and my poor eyes feel screwed in. I’m having a body hating morning too. I might be deflecting and not realising so I’m just internalising all my feels. I don’t actually think it has sunk in yet so I am fully expecting it all to just hit later down the line. That’s how it usually goes for me. My reactions are broken.
I am usually the one with the fifty fifty chance of laughing or smiling in a very inappropriate situation. Then two or three days later I either break down or slide into depression. I don’t know why my reactions are sometimes broken but it is usually hard when everyone is expecting a certain reaction and you don’t act within those defined parameters to not be viewed as demon spawn.
We will see what today brings anyway. I’ve already had to keep reminding myself she won’t be coming over and I won’t be visiting her house. It’s going to be so strange. Since everything feels at a kilter today and emotions will be spinning all over the place today’s image is at an angle to befuddle. The shiny lights are to hypnotise and if you ask Bear really nicely I’m sure she might take you on a mindboggling trip to the stars in her space ship. Chances are shes got one. Bear goes all out with her cosplays (even if she has to hijack one like a space pirate).
*all above listed items have been kindly provided by creators for blogging/review purposes.
**Mesh body used is the Maitreya Lara combined with LeLutka Nova mesh head.
The pose is possibly from one of the free poses I picked up from Insomnia Angel/Konpeitou. As my notes are at home (I didn’t remember to take those) I can not confirm till I do get home.